I work in technical support. Needless to say, I get some interesting people. I've only done it for several months so far, but I could probably write a book on some interesting conversations I've had already.
Here's a few that come to mind. They're not the most interesting ones I've had, but they're interesting nonetheless. I might even add some as time goes on.
Caller: Hi, I just bought a new computer. It's a mac. How do I get it on the internet? It's still connected to my old computer...
Me: Well, once you have your new computer hooked up, all you need to do is take the Ethernet cable from your old computer and plug it in to the new one. Do you know what the Ethernet cable looks like?
Caller: No, I don't...
Me: It looks like a phone cord, but thicker. It has the plastic connector at the end that has a prong which you need to push down in order to remove. *Sounds of caller shuffling through cables for several seconds*
Caller: *Sound of an ethernet cable clicking in the background* That's it? That's all you need to do?
Me: That's it.
Caller: Wow, macs are easy!
Caller: (angry)My internet and phones aren't working!
Me:I can certainly help you with that, sir. Just give me a minute to take a look at your services from our end to see what the prob...
Caller (Nearly yelling): You know what? This is I have to call you damn people almost every day for this shit. The other companies xxxxx and xxxxx don't have any problems! Get your stupid shit together! God, I cannot believe this!
Me:(At this point, the system indicates to me that he hasn't called in for months) Sir, we're on the phone together to fix the problem together, so let's get to the bottom of it and get everything working again, okay? (Our systems also show that his modem, which provides both his phone and internet service, is offline) ... Do you know where the modem is in your house, sir?
Caller:Yes, it's in the basement. I'm calling on a FUCKING cellphone using my GODDAMN MINUTES because my phones aren't working!
Me:Would you be able to do me a favor and head over it to see what the lights are doing?
Caller:And how the hell am I supposed to do that? As soon as I go in the basement the call will drop! Remember? I'm on a
Me:You can just put the phone down if you need to. That is, if you don't mind. Take all the time you need sir.
Caller:(I hear him put the phone down. He walks away, mumbling to himself loudly) ... Stupid son of a bitch ... (He is gone for several minute. He returns, picking up the phone and speaking as angry as ever) ... There aren't ANY lights on!
Me:Did you check the connection of the power cord?
Caller:That's not going to be the problem, no!
Me:Aside from the making sure the connection of the power cord is good, are you sure that the modem isn't plugged in to a power strip that's turned off? Maybe it's plugged in to an outlet that's controlled by a light switch, or perhaps one of your circuit breakers went off?
Caller:No! It's not any of those problems! It's this goddamn piece of shit that you people gave me! Ever since I got your service, I've been having problems with it ever since!!
Me:(It's obvious that he hasn't checked for any of the above problems) Okay. Then at this point, we'll want to know if it's a problem with the modem, or if it's the outlet that it's plugged in to. Would you be able to disconnect the modem and plug it in to a different outlet and see if you can get any lights to come on?
Caller:No, I can't do that! There's only one outlet down in the basement!
Me:Well, our current objective is to see if we can get any lights to turn on on the modem. You can plug it in to any outlet for that -- it doesn't matter which.
Caller:(He slams his phone down again and walks off, mumbling out loud like last time) ... Fucking bitch ... (I hear him go down the stairs again and there's several minutes of silence with him presumably working on the problem. I hear him approach the phone again. Before he starts talking, I check on the status of his modem and it's still offline. At this point, he's absolutely fuming) ... How the am I supposed to plug it in to a different outlet! There's only one outlet down there, god damn it!
Me:It doesn't have to be an outlet down there. It can be any outlet in the entire house. We just want to see if any lights come on when you plug it in.
Caller:(Again, he puts his phone down and walks away, cussing) ... Stupid asshole bitch ...
He spends a lot less time away from the phone this time. Within a minute, I hear him approach the phone again and pick it up. Instead of saying anything, he hangs up on me.
I immediately check our system and his cable modem was back online. The modem was obviously unplugged when he called in. He was such an ass about it that he wouldn't dare embarrass himself by telling me, so he hung up hoping I wouldn't find out. Nice.